Just a group of friends who love to write...
 
HomeHome  GalleryGallery  RegisterRegister  Log inLog in  
Forum
Latest topics
» Viagra Generico. viagra generico acquisto centro per l impiego
Thu Aug 04, 2011 4:28 am by Guest

» Viagra Generico. prontuario viagra generico
Wed Aug 03, 2011 11:54 pm by Guest

» подстрижка волос по лунному календарю на
Wed Aug 03, 2011 1:10 pm by Guest

» Medicines For Canine Allergy
Wed Aug 03, 2011 7:51 am by Guest

» what is ultram er used for
Wed Aug 03, 2011 1:07 am by Guest

» Rituximab Drug
Sun Jul 31, 2011 3:15 am by Guest

» Cheapfares - Low Cost Travel
Sat Jul 30, 2011 4:21 pm by Guest

» Comprar Viagra. viagra generica
Fri Jul 29, 2011 11:50 pm by Guest

» Viagra Generico. viagra y alcohol
Fri Jul 29, 2011 3:21 am by Guest

Navigation
 Portal
 Index
 Memberlist
 Profile
 FAQ
 Search
Search
 
 

Display results as :
 
Rechercher Advanced Search
Affiliates
free forum
 

Share | 
 

 Eugene's Story

Go down 
AuthorMessage
Whigworld
Admin
avatar

Posts : 722
Join date : 2008-07-24
Age : 52
Location : Louisville

PostSubject: Eugene's Story   Wed Mar 18, 2009 5:53 pm

Talk about Eugene's story here
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://kvpalum.forumotion.net
cvalin

avatar

Posts : 240
Join date : 2008-07-24
Age : 50
Location : Near Los Angeles

PostSubject: Re: Eugene's Story   Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:56 am

Eugene, I know you don't have much there yet, but I like the way you start out. I always think it's good to start your story in the middle of the action (even though I didn't do it myself this time). I got sucked in right away, and I'm really interested to see where it goes. Are you still planning on the same storyline you oriinally talked about?

_________________
"Bite the wax tadpole!"

http://christophervalin.wordpress.com
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://christophervalin.wordpress.com
esr960

avatar

Posts : 429
Join date : 2008-07-24
Location : Windy City

PostSubject: Re: Eugene's Story   Wed Apr 01, 2009 4:08 am

cvalin wrote:
Are you still planning on the same storyline you oriinally talked about?

Yep, pretty much. I've decided not to hold off showing the fate of the Swiftsure until the end. The crew of the Mayflower will find out what happened to the first mission shortly after my excerpt ends. During the course of their investigation of the Swiftsure's demise, bad things start to happen and bad decisions lead to bad outcomes. I'm also going to hint where Steve's ORCAL comes from.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
thedreamcontinued

avatar

Posts : 752
Join date : 2008-07-24
Age : 49
Location : The Land of Pigs and Corn

PostSubject: Re: Eugene's Story   Wed Apr 01, 2009 3:36 pm

Exclamation Great start, Eugene. I know it is rough, so I don't think it prudent to correct spelling, grammer or anything along those lines here. I get the direction you are going and will be looking forward to the wonderful rest to pop up soon!
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile
esr960

avatar

Posts : 429
Join date : 2008-07-24
Location : Windy City

PostSubject: Re: Eugene's Story   Tue Apr 07, 2009 5:38 pm

Okay, here's what happens after we leave Ravi ...

When the Mayflower enters normal space to drop a communications buoy, they detect a signal with an Alliance signature coming from the surface of a nearby planet. They soon conclude that it's the Swiftsure. There is much debate about what to do and much argument over what this means for the future of the Mayflower -- 1) There is no Elpis colony for them to go to, 2) Why the cover up?, 3) Should they turn back 7 years into their mission?, 4) Should they even bother to find out what happened to the Swiftsure? The planet the ship is beached on is hostile and barren. They send a team comprised of command-crew members and two of the ship's robots. They find the Swiftsure wrecked on the planet and it's computer -- Oracle -- damaged but perhaps repairable. And then the crew are attacked by two infected members of the Swiftsure.

They bring the infected aboard along with those injured in the attack. What they don't know is that the cause of the infection is an airborne virus -- a virus originally engineered to cut-and-paste the DNA of the colonists in preparation for life on Elpis. What's happened? Did the environment of the planet cause the virus to mutate and evolve? Or is it something more sinister?

Yep, something more sinister. Sabotage! Someone prevented the Swiftsure from completing its mission. And the same thing that happened on the Swiftsure is happening on the Mayflower. People are becoming infected and becoming mindless, blood-thirsty zombies.

At the end of the tale, the crew of the Mayflower make it to Elpis. And in a bid to save themselves, the surviving command crew dumps the entire section of the ship containing the colonists on the planet and makes a run for earth. (This explains why Steve's story mentioned that the Mayflower crashed on Elpis and why the Elpins aren't fans of Earth people). But before they complete the separation, one of the people left behind makes sure that the drive section of the Mayflower doesn't make it back to Earth.

Fast-forward to Sally's story ... (and all this is a big MAYBE) ...

The Mayflower crashes on Mars. It's believed to be just space junk, but the Martians find survivors -- all in hibernation. (But they don't know anything about the ship -- what it's called, where it came from, who is on it). The Martians soon discover that there's something wrong with the survivors. Maybe that's why they send Sally's main characters to further investigate. Maybe someone is thinking of weaponizing the virus. Maybe someone knows that they're sending Sally's characters to a deathtrap.

Then all this should somehow bring my main character into contact with the crew of the Speedwell.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
cvalin

avatar

Posts : 240
Join date : 2008-07-24
Age : 50
Location : Near Los Angeles

PostSubject: Re: Eugene's Story   Sat Jun 13, 2009 8:20 pm

Eugene, I love what you have so far and can't wait to read the rest. The end you have at this point is a real cliffhanger, and if we decide to split our chapters in two, I'd love to see this one stop here and continue later on.

I'm a huge believer that the more conflict you have, the better the story (which is one of the things that made Battlestar Galactica), and yours is just bursting with it. Great job on that.

I really like the subtle Rachnaean reference, and calling the computer Delphi as an indication of where Orcal comes from is brilliant.

-CV

_________________
"Bite the wax tadpole!"

http://christophervalin.wordpress.com
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://christophervalin.wordpress.com
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Eugene's Story   

Back to top Go down
 
Eugene's Story
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» A Short Imperial Guard Story [revised]
» Karottenkrieg - A German Warhammer/Mordheim-Story
» Story Starters
» New short story available FREE right now at Lulu
» Short story ideas.

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
KvP Writers Group :: Individual Author Notes/Critiques-
Jump to: