TDC's Story

I can't seem to open the newest version, which says it's WordPerfect (.wpd). It's weird because I've always been able to open your previous documents.

Okay, Eugene sent me a .doc version, so I was able to open it. In addition to some of the things Eugene mentioned above about Nik, I have some notes about the relationship between the Church and the Eastern Alliance. A few weeks ago, you, DG, and I talked about this since we were all playing in the same sandbox, so to speak, and this is the way I understood it to be following our conversation (and DG can either back me up on this, or tell me I'm off base): The Eastern Alliance is the government that has a stranglehold on its people, and that is the institution that people view as being oppressive and evil. Most people see the Church of Rachnaea as a good thing, and believe that its influence within the government actually tempers its cruelty.

What the people don't know is that the Church is actually behind most of the oppressiveness, and that the leaders of the Church have much more influence within the government than anyone expects. They also have a secret plan to take over everything that began with the sabotage of the FTL drive on the moon. One of the over-arching themes of our book, as far as I can remember, is that our characters are going to discover and fight against this plot.

Now, your characters in the Resistance may know the truth about the Church being behind the curtain in all of this, but that is in no way clear in your story. As far as I can remember, you don't even mention the Eastern Alliance at any point (other than the scene from earlier with the ships). I think this can be fixed fairly simply by adding a few lines here and there, but I think that fixing it is crucial to our overall story.

I'm not criticizing your writing in any way, because it's good. I just think it's really important that we clear this stuff up.

-CV

Thanks CV...and you're absolutely right on! The Resistance does know what the over all "believing" population doesn't know.

I agree all the way with fleshing it out more and expalining more of the story...and that's what I put on my end notes, as the story is not any where near done yet. I am researching and working up an even better beginning, planning on posting it as soon as I have it done.

I was hoping today (Monday) but the fates didn't have it that way for me. Real world barged right in and stole most of my writing time today!

I hope to have more before the meeting, but probably won't have it posted up before then. If I make it at all, as I am feeling kinda FLU-like tonight ! Yikkers!!

I know we have already spoke and discussed about our stories as of June first. But I just wanted to be sure that everyone knows mine is under the third draft file on BoxNet and the title now is THE RESISTANCE. This is the most recent and updated version of my story to date.

I still have a ways to go to get this to a point where it's a good place to stop...as Sally...I just keep digging deeper and haven't reached a place in my mind that's a good place to jump off...

Any comments are welcome!

And DG and CV! Be sure to read it all the way through, as I believe it runs pretty much along the same time line as yours and if we are thinking about the interweaving approach, perhaps my story lines can be woven in there someplace.

G10Ninja: What do you think in your ultimate wisdom? tee hee...

DG...I am wondering too about the "twins" scenerio. Perhaps my bad guy ( the double agent from The Church) might get his zeal to prove himself because he finds his true family is actually that twin?

TDC, I went to download Sally's new draft and suddenly realized I hadn't read your latest. I thought I had read and commented on everyone's but somehow I missed yours.

I don't know how much you've changed since that last one, but I thought it was an improvement over the earlier one. Just a couple of things:

-I don't think you need to mention Rachnaea is a "Purple Spider Goddess" every time you talk about her. Once it's been established that that's what she is, I think just referring to her as a goddess or whatever most of the time is fine. Every time we talk about Jesus, we don't say he's that "Jewish bearded guy in a robe," right?

-Why do all the guys have female-sounding names? I don't have a problem with it per se, it just seems strange that all the males have names like Dove, Swanson, and Dee. When you throw in that your main character goes by the traditionally male "Nik" instead of "Nicky" or "Nikki," it makes it seem like there's been some kind of gender-switching since the moon's disappearance.

-CV

THE RESISTANCE

Is up on boxnet in the Finals Folder for your reading consideration.



Updates:

I have changed a few characters and plot twists ( adding the scientists, etc.) to suit an ever growing morph in the Vanished Moon saga.

1.) Nik’s last name is now Conroy. As far as the names, CV...it never occurred to me they were male or female at all. I just had the thought that the future has in it many different types of peoples and cultures and wanted to have names that spanned across gender. Nik stays Nik, she's tough and not "girlie". Ick! Why would anyone want to call her Nikki? She'd probably sock 'em in the nose! Ha!

2.) Mraz Conroy is now her elder brother and not her brother’s best friend. He is her mentor and educator and seems to know much more about her future than even she does and involved in her life as a resistance fighter and role model

3.) The story starts out four years after her Mother and Father’s demise. And continues to loop or weave in and out of her life back to our ‘present’ as the Moon reappears.

4.) I have changed the name of Nik’s love interest ( who also just happens to be a spy planted within the Resistance by The Church, which Nik has to come to terms with in a most painful way ) from Posh ( as someone mentioned that Posh was the name of a Spicegirl...and to tell you all the truth I have no idea of what or who the Spicegirls are! ha!) Barretta to “Dove” Barbetta.

5.) The mark or emblem or tatoo of The Resistance is the Blue Mud Dauber Wasp...the only predator of the Black Widow spider.

6.) Dove Baretta kills Mraz Conroy and escapes - Nik Conroy finds that ARIC is an op who is a contact from the scientific community ( Hebe Colony ) who wants to aid the resistance. After the moon reappears it is evident that Nik will decide to hook up with the scientists( ARIC) not to just get their tech for the cause of the resistance movement, but to use their stealth technologies to go after and kill Dove Baretta.

7.)I am planning on cutting back The Speech Nik gives to the “troops” in “The Message” section, so don’t worry, I know it’s a bit too long. Finally I end it as the word reaches The Resistance that the Moon has reappeared. If this seems a good place to end my story thus far, please let me know. If you have any suggestions or comments that I need to end it differently, don’t hesitate to let me know. I will be happy to work it out.

See you all at tonight's meeting!!

TDC,

I didn't mean to suggest that you should change Nik's name, and, as I said, I don't have a problem with any of it. My point is that the gender/name switch is pronounced enough in your story that it made me take note of it, and wonder if there was a reason for it. One thing to take into consideration is that some readers may not be reading very carefully, and if you have several characters who are male, but their names sound female, there's a chance they could get confused.

-CV