I'm starting to read through everyone's latest draft, beginning with yours, DG.
The draft is sharp, nothing blaring. You've put time into this baby.
At first pass, the beginning has some redundancy, describing the ruins, ruined stairs, etc. I may be off, since it was my initial reaction. By the time Harrison gets inside, the writing flows like milk and honey. I really felt like I was there.
Some of the later dialogue has a lot of
Sirs in it. But that may stand out to me because I've been wondering how similar redundancies in my own chapter set with the reader. I'll probably pull out a few books and see how others have handled that.
The only other thing I noticed was the font. The
Us looked like
Vs. Times New Roman is easier to read.
Thanks for launching us!
The Mars Lady