I read your latest draft, and I like the ending much better. Good job!

-CV

I like "Mars Praetorian Guard."

I need your input. In naming the special unit Jaan Corwyn is with, I'm stuck between: The Mars Special Corps and Mars Praetorian Guard. While I like the Roman flair, I don't want it to be carbon copy of the ancient Secret Service. They protect the planet of Mars, not a singular person.

The Mars G10 Ninjas was on my list, but I didn't want mess with lawsuits.

So what do you think?

I just wrote the left behind scene. It flowed and I like it (too bad for Jaela).

There are two more short scenes to re-work with the new ending. I hope to have it posted tomorrow sometime, Tuesday at the latest. Then, it's on to critique mode.

Thanks for your patience. But now with school out, I feel like I'm finally getting something done. (Even though I had one wedding and two graduation parties to go to this weekend.)

I don't mind happy endings, but your story didn't seem like it was heading for one. I guess when I said Jaela should attack him, I was thinking more along the lines of him being on the other side of the glass so he wasn't exposed. And I didn't mean "monster" literally.

I do think it would be better for the story and the future of the character, though. Anyone else feel that way, or am I off my rocker?