TDC, I went to download Sally's new draft and suddenly realized I hadn't read your latest. I thought I had read and commented on everyone's but somehow I missed yours.

I don't know how much you've changed since that last one, but I thought it was an improvement over the earlier one. Just a couple of things:

-I don't think you need to mention Rachnaea is a "Purple Spider Goddess" every time you talk about her. Once it's been established that that's what she is, I think just referring to her as a goddess or whatever most of the time is fine. Every time we talk about Jesus, we don't say he's that "Jewish bearded guy in a robe," right?

-Why do all the guys have female-sounding names? I don't have a problem with it per se, it just seems strange that all the males have names like Dove, Swanson, and Dee. When you throw in that your main character goes by the traditionally male "Nik" instead of "Nicky" or "Nikki," it makes it seem like there's been some kind of gender-switching since the moon's disappearance.

-CV

THE RESISTANCE

Is up on boxnet in the Finals Folder for your reading consideration.



Updates:

I have changed a few characters and plot twists ( adding the scientists, etc.) to suit an ever growing morph in the Vanished Moon saga.

1.) Nik’s last name is now Conroy. As far as the names, CV...it never occurred to me they were male or female at all. I just had the thought that the future has in it many different types of peoples and cultures and wanted to have names that spanned across gender. Nik stays Nik, she's tough and not "girlie". Ick! Why would anyone want to call her Nikki? She'd probably sock 'em in the nose! Ha!

2.) Mraz Conroy is now her elder brother and not her brother’s best friend. He is her mentor and educator and seems to know much more about her future than even she does and involved in her life as a resistance fighter and role model

3.) The story starts out four years after her Mother and Father’s demise. And continues to loop or weave in and out of her life back to our ‘present’ as the Moon reappears.

4.) I have changed the name of Nik’s love interest ( who also just happens to be a spy planted within the Resistance by The Church, which Nik has to come to terms with in a most painful way ) from Posh ( as someone mentioned that Posh was the name of a Spicegirl...and to tell you all the truth I have no idea of what or who the Spicegirls are! ha!) Barretta to “Dove” Barbetta.

5.) The mark or emblem or tatoo of The Resistance is the Blue Mud Dauber Wasp...the only predator of the Black Widow spider.

6.) Dove Baretta kills Mraz Conroy and escapes - Nik Conroy finds that ARIC is an op who is a contact from the scientific community ( Hebe Colony ) who wants to aid the resistance. After the moon reappears it is evident that Nik will decide to hook up with the scientists( ARIC) not to just get their tech for the cause of the resistance movement, but to use their stealth technologies to go after and kill Dove Baretta.

7.)I am planning on cutting back The Speech Nik gives to the “troops” in “The Message” section, so don’t worry, I know it’s a bit too long. Finally I end it as the word reaches The Resistance that the Moon has reappeared. If this seems a good place to end my story thus far, please let me know. If you have any suggestions or comments that I need to end it differently, don’t hesitate to let me know. I will be happy to work it out.

See you all at tonight's meeting!!

TDC,

I didn't mean to suggest that you should change Nik's name, and, as I said, I don't have a problem with any of it. My point is that the gender/name switch is pronounced enough in your story that it made me take note of it, and wonder if there was a reason for it. One thing to take into consideration is that some readers may not be reading very carefully, and if you have several characters who are male, but their names sound female, there's a chance they could get confused.

-CV